Michael’s Story

September 27th, 2010 by Clarice

Missing him everyday…

I lost my son of 8 days to NEC on 2/9/2010. He was born at 31 weeks and 1 day via C section due to my pre-eclampsia after being on bedrest 3 weeks (28 to 31 weeks ).

Michael was born with 9 APGAR score. Healthy in every way . Just needed some CPAP for breathing and some BILI lights. He was transferred from NICU to stepdown after 6 days. He was doing very well the fact that he was transferred.

Then a phone call came at 4 pm on 2/8 saying he did not tolerate his feeds via tube that afternoon and that he will be transferred back to NICU for more monitoring. They said they suspect NEC but NOT TO WORRY for it is not definite. They said that if it was , it was caught in time. He was being started on antibiotic regardless for protection. X ray did not show “air” so the liklelihood of NEC is low.

I immediately research NEC online. I did not realize the seriousness of this disease. I thought it was just some bug and he will recover quickly. I did not see the urgency of going back to the hospital. Since I just left it on 2/5 after being there for one month. I was alos thinking he looked so well on Sunday so this is a fluke.

I ended going to hospital at 8 pm after I was called indicating that my baby “stopped breathing”. My life almost ended there. We rushed to the hospital within 30 minutes.

When I saw him he was pale, intubated, looked like in pain. He was opening his eyes and looking at us. He knew my voice. (After he died and when we were talking about the evenst, my husband said that Michael was looking at us to memorize how we look like so when he sees us in heaven he will know us). He looked so fragile. I wanted to hold him and carry him amd take all the pain away from him. But I declined from carrying him because I thought it would intefere with his treatments. I wanted him to get better and I had the hope he was going to.

His heart was beating in the 200 to 230’s. The doc said that was expected! I touch his distended belly and he cringed. He was in pain and they had given him Fentanyl to remove the pain. hey had difficulty obtaining his blood pressure. They planned to give him fluids, Dopamine drip and some blood. ( I should have known that he was dying here but I was in denial. Everyting seemed unreal. I also had hope he will get through this)

My husband had insisted that we may be interfering with the treatments so we had left after being there for 2 hrs. I know I will still see my son. The preinatologist had informed me that my son will need antibiotic for 2 weeks and possbly central line for this long term treatment. Otherwise, it will be waiting and seeing for now. I kissed my son goodbye and decided will be back in early AM.

I called at 12 :30 AM to check on how my son is doing and had spoken with the doctor. She said that he had gotten his color back and that his vital signs are good. He had responded very well to the fluid resuscitation. Everuthing is all right.I was able to go to sleep. I was exhausted and still was recuperating from my C section.

I received a call at 4:30 am and that he had lost a lot of blood and that he developed bruising in his belly. This is not good! He is dying! The doctor will not tell me how much blood he had lost.

When I got to the hospital, my soon looked pale. Very lethargic. Opened his eyes weakly as to acknowledge our presence and to say goodbye. His heart rate was still strong but he was desaturating despite being intubated and with high oxygen concentration. My son is dying.

At around 6 pm his oxygen saturation was in the 60’s and he continued to decompensate. One nurse tell me to say my goodbye because he was waiting for me to let him go.

I kissed him and whispered on his ear that mama loves him and that I will see him in heaven. I did not want my son to go but I see him suffering so much and I wanted to take that away! I said “Our Father”. Within few minutes his heart rate continued to dropped until it reached 60’s to 20’s. They resuscitated him for a little while but when I saw his heart rate is low..Ii told then to stop so I can carry him while he was warm. He was pronounced dead at 7:57 on 2/9/2010.

All of this happned so fast. It hurt so much and until now I have a lot of “what if” questions. I was thinking that maybe if they had done surgery earlier my son will survive and will be in coming home to me end of Feb.

We buried him on Feb 16th and we visit his grave every week.

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