Baby Patrick’s Story

April 27th, 2012 by andi

I was expecting a beautiful, much wanted and loved son in October.  On June 14, my water broke.  I was 23 weeks…and his only hope was to make it another week. Well, being the strong little man he was, he made it to 24 weeks, 2 days. I got the steroid shots…and thought maybe we would be lucky….maybe things would be ok.
Well, at 24 weeks, 2 days, many things went wrong….he was a breech, so we discussed a c section, if needed…I started having contractions. I went from 1-3 cm in one hour.  At this time, my cord prolapsed, and my placenta erupted 50%…I was hemorrhaging, and an emergency c section was needed.
At 2;46 am on 6/20(Fathers Day) Patrick Mclean entered the world.  He was strong for a 24 weeker.  He was a tiny little thing at 1lb 5.5 oz,and 11 inches long.
On the 23rd, I was discharged from the hospital..and I went home to see my girls, and to get more clothes, etc.
At 4 am, on the 24th, we got the call no parent wants to hear….they needed permission to transfer him to Seattle Children’s Hospital…he had NEC…and it was BAD.
We arrived at Childrens by 8…and nothing could have prepared me for the sight of my beautiful baby….swollen and discolored from internal bleeding with drainage tubes in his abdomen…and on an hfov.
They said it didn’t look good for him…even with the drain tubes, he only had a 5% chance..he was too small and too sick to operate on…and the bowel damage was extensive.
We had Patrick baptized by our pastor…and an hour later, he started coding….he coded 3 times in 5 minutes.  From the NEC, he had peritonitis and extensive internal bleeding….we had to make a choice….a choice no parent should ever have to make….keep doing things TO him instead of FOR him…or let him go.
He fought so hard to stay…but in the end it was too much for him…we had to let him go….every time they revived him..he bled from his tubes.
I held him while he passed.  It was the most heart wrenching time of my life.  My sweet baby died in my arms on the afternoon of June 24…after a too short life of 4 days.
We had him cremated, and had his funeral at church…so he could go to church one time.  Such a big funeral for such a tiny sweet boy….we love him so.
Today, his ashes sit on a shelf in my living room….instead of a healthy baby growing in my belly where he belongs, all I have are the blankets in witch he was wrapped when I transported him to the funeral home, a box with pictures and a certificate, hospital bracelets,  and a tiny urn,containing a small amount of ashes…the pain and guilt is unbearable at times…I see him all the time, and at night, I hear a baby crying…I cant help but wander the house and yard searching for the baby so I can love and comfort him. I dream of my boy every night…some good, some bad.
I need the pain to end..I can’t bear it……..I want to scream from the pain that is so intense I hurt physically.
I believe his NEC was partially caused by the Doctors starting feeds too early.

6 responses to “Baby Patrick’s Story”

  1. Alicia says:

    I lost my son also to NEC 1 1/2 years ago. I know this pain. It passes and comes back too. But it does get better. I know they feed my son to early. The guilt will pass too. I will be thinking of you. Do what ever makes you feel good. Scream,cry, brake things for release. What ever!
    Alicia Love
    mother of Finn Love

  2. Yvonne says:

    Alicia, I am so sorry for your loss. I have often wondered if feedings are started too early for preemies, whose organs are premature anyway. I have always thought that my daughter was fed too early. I wonder if there is any research on this. I hope that in your time of grief your story can help others. I pray for you and your family.

  3. I am so sorry for your loss, since our daughter nearly died of NEC too I now your pain.
    My daughters doctor told me that a baby can get NEC from having a stressfull time before they are born, during they are born or after they are born. My girl had all three.
    I think that her getting fed with my milk after her operations is why her intestines got better and healed. Milk has antibiotics in it that are good for a lot of things.

  4. Alicia says:

    Thank you for the kind words Yvonne. I do hope all these stories help others.
    Cecillia human milk is good for babies and helps heal. However, There is strong evidence showing that when you feed a premature baby too early it may help cause NEC.
    Happy to hear your child lived. Nec is horrible and it nice to hear children healing.
    The lose of a child goes much deeper then having NEC, I would not what my worst enemy to feel this pain
    I hope your child is doing well

  5. KC says:

    Words cannot express how sorry I am to hear of the loss of your son. Our stories are so similar and I wanted to reach out to you because you mentioned Seattle Children’s Hospital. My husband and I are also from the Seattle area and we just lost our beautiful boy last week. I would really love to connect with someone local who truly understands what this is like. If you are able and willing I would love to exchange contact information. I can be reached at kc.milholland@yahoo.com.

    Sincerely,
    KC

  6. Nia says:

    Rest in Heaven angel, I lost my baby Kayla 12/23/13 sometimes I were very angry at others becuase saying sorry wasnt going to bring my baby back or make me feel not better at all
    and what made it so bad is in the NICU waiting area they had pics of other preemies on the bulletin and one baby stood out she was born 12/9 and died 12/23 2009-same as my baby–I love you -Kayla my sweet baby-

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